Stop Fighting Your Thoughts: A Guide to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Written by: Angela Derrick, Ph.D. & Susan McClanahan, Ph.D.

Date Posted: April 7, 2025 2:45 pm

Stop Fighting Your Thoughts: A Guide to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Chicago, IL

What Struggles Can ACT Help Address?

Imagine lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, as you try to drift off to sleep. Then, BAM! Out of nowhere, a thought pops up: “Did I sound stupid in that meeting today?”  You try to shake it off, but your brain isn’t having it. What if my boss thinks I’m incompetent, maybe even a fraud? Do my coworkers think the same thing? How can I fix this?” Now you’re wide awake and spiraling.

Or maybe you’ve been looking forward to dinner with friends all week—until about an hour before you’re supposed to leave. That little voice creeps in: “What if I don’t have anything interesting to say? What if I get awkward?” Your stomach tightens. The sofa is suddenly way more inviting than the idea of making small talk. So, you cancel, telling yourself you’re just too tired—but deep down, you know it’s the anxiety talking.

We’ve all been there—getting caught up in our thoughts, trying to push them away, and somehow feeling even more stuck. The more we fight our worries, the louder they seem to get. But what if the goal wasn’t to win against our thoughts but to stop fighting them altogether? That’s where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) comes in.

Eliminate Negative Thoughts or Practice Acceptance?

Traditional approaches to mental health, like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), often focus on challenging and replacing negative thoughts with more rational or positive ones. The idea is to dispute unhelpful thinking patterns and reduce distress by changing how we perceive situations. While this can be effective, it doesn’t always work for everyone. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), on the other hand, takes a different approach—it teaches that thoughts and emotions, even difficult ones, are a natural part of life. Instead of trying to control, suppress, or eliminate them, ACT helps people accept their thoughts, create space for them, and focus on taking meaningful action aligned with their values. This shift from resistance to acceptance allows for greater psychological flexibility and a richer, more fulfilling experience.

What is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy?

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a mindfulness-based behavioral therapy that helps people accept their thoughts and feelings rather than fighting them. It focuses on psychological flexibility—helping individuals connect with their values, break free from unhelpful thought patterns, and take committed action towards values despite discomfort.

SpringSource Co-Founder Dr. Angela Derrick shares one of her favorite ACT interventions, called “Drop The Rope.”  “In this technique, clients are encouraged to notice how they are struggling with an idea, such as how things “should be.”  The struggle is like a tug of war, and the rope won’t budge but you keep pulling, trying to make something or someone change.  When you “drop the rope,” or quit putting your energy into trying to force something to happen, you relate to the experience with less suffering, accept the reality of the situation, and move on to consider other possibilities.  This is one way we teach clients to relate to their thoughts differently and it brings much relief.”

If you find that you are spending a lot of time trying to avoid discomfort and your life isn’t going in the direction you would like it to go, or you are not showing up in your life the way you want, then acceptance and commitment therapy may be a good choice . Your discomfort may range from mildly irritating to significantly affecting your life, and ACT can help, whether mild or severe symptoms are present. It is essential to find a qualified therapist who specializes in this modality for effective treatment, guidance, and support in navigating new ways of being in the world through ACT.

The Goal of Psychological Flexibility

Imagine Sarah, a young woman who struggles with social anxiety, is invited to her friend’s birthday party. Her mind immediately floods with worries: “What if no one talks to me? What if people notice I’ve gained weight?” In the past, she might have canceled at the last minute to avoid discomfort, thus reinforcing her fear.

Using psychological flexibility, Sarah adopts a different approach. Rather than trying to push away her anxious thoughts, she acknowledges them: “I notice I’m feeling nervous about this. That’s okay—it makes sense that social situations can be challenging for me.” This stance is open and acknowledges the anxiety while validating the feelings. If we take the route of resistance, we become caught up in telling ourselves that we “should not” feel anxious, or we may try to stuff, numb, or deny these feelings, which can keep us stuck. By practicing acceptance, Sarah can remind herself that her worries don’t have to dictate her actions; instead, she can focus on her values — friendship and connection — and use them to guide her actions.

Although she still feels nervous, she decides to attend the birthday party, recognizing that discomfort is a natural part of the process. Once at the party, she engages in small talk, reminding herself to stay present instead of overanalyzing every interaction. By accepting her feelings and choosing to act in accordance with her values, she builds confidence and strengthens her ability to handle similar situations in the future.

What we discovered is that Sarah became open to all experiences—both pleasant and uncomfortable—without becoming stuck in avoidance, overthinking, or self-judgment. Rather than fighting negative thoughts or allowing them to dictate her behavior, she was able to employ psychological flexibility and practice acceptance. This acceptance paved the way for her to take meaningful action that supported her personal growth and long-term well-being.

The Six Core Processes of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

1. Cognitive Defusion – Learning to see thoughts as just thoughts rather than absolute truths.
2. Acceptance – Allowing thoughts and emotions to exist without struggling against them.
3. Present Moment Awareness (Mindfulness) – Focusing on the here and now rather than getting lost in worries about the past or future.
4. Self-as-Context – Recognizing that you are more than your thoughts and emotions.
5. Values Clarification – Identifying what truly matters to you in life.
6. Committed Action – Taking meaningful steps toward your goals, even in the presence of difficult emotions.

The Pink Elephant Paradox

The Pink Elephant Paradox is a classic example of how trying to suppress a thought often makes it even more persistent. It comes from a psychological experiment where participants were told, “Don’t think of a pink elephant.” Of course, the moment they tried not to think about it, the image of a pink elephant popped into their minds.

This paradox illustrates a key concept in psychology: thought suppression doesn’t work—in fact, it can make unwanted thoughts even stronger. What we resist persists. This is relevant to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy because ACT teaches people to stop fighting their thoughts and instead practice acceptance. Rather than trying to push thoughts away (which often backfires), ACT encourages noticing and making space for them, so they lose their grip over our actions and emotions.

Practical ACT Techniques You Can Try Today

Leaves on a Stream (Cognitive Defusion exercise)

Imagine yourself sitting by a gently flowing stream, where leaves that carry your thoughts float by. If you encounter particularly distressing or uncomfortable thoughts, even neutral or joyful ones, you can visualize placing the thought on a leaf and watching it drift away with the current. We have always loved this imagery, as it evokes a serene and soothing natural setting in our minds, helping us become calm observers as our thoughts gently pass by and continue downstream, eventually fading into the distance. If the thought arises again, you can simply watch it float by once more as many times as necessary. If you prefer guided meditation, many options are available, such as this YouTube video from Eating Recovery Center (ERC) and Pathlight Mood and Anxiety Center.

Expanding Awareness

In the context of acceptance and commitment therapy, expanding awareness refers to cultivating a non-judgmental, present-moment awareness of thoughts, feelings, and sensations, allowing for greater flexibility and responsiveness to life’s challenges.

ACT emphasizes the importance of psychological flexibility, which involves approaching difficult experiences with openness and acceptance rather than trying to control or avoid them. There are many paths to expanding awareness, including becoming aware of internal thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without becoming overly attached to them. Also necessary is allowing space for difficult emotions and thoughts rather than suppressing or avoiding them. Finally, decreasing reactivity to inner experiences leads to more intentional and values-driven actions.

Determining Your Guiding Values

We have identified a comprehensive list of some of the most common values created by Dr. Russ Harris on the ACTMindfully website. You are welcome to add values as needed if you do not see them listed. The list provides guidance on how to effectively narrow down your values and ultimately determine your top priorities.  You can find the PDF with instructions here.

There are many other ways to identify your value system as well. You can follow the guidelines and answer the questions below, or you can use AI to provide prompts and assist you in writing your values statement. Additionally, decks of value cards are available to help you sort through and identify your guiding values. It’s worth noting that while you can complete this exercise independently, there may be tangible benefits to going through it with a qualified therapist or in a group therapy setting.

1. Reflect on What Matters Most

Ask yourself:

• What kind of person do I want to be?
• What qualities do I admire in others?
• What activities make me feel fulfilled?
• If I had no fear or self-doubt, how would I live my life?

2. Identify Your Core Values

Consider various aspects of life and the values you wish to prioritize. Common values include:

• Relationships (e.g., love, honesty, kindness)
• Career & Growth (e.g., creativity, perseverance, leadership)
• Health & Well-being (e.g., balance, resilience, self-care)
• Community & Contribution (e.g., generosity, activism, service)

3. Write Your Values Statement

Your values statement should be personal, meaningful, and action-oriented. Instead of broad phrases like “I value honesty,” try framing it with intention:

For example:
 “I strive to live with resilience and authenticity, making choices that honor my inner strength and wisdom. I embrace creativity and lifelong learning, recognizing that growth is a continuous and ongoing journey. In my relationships, I cherish humor and true partnership, valuing deep connections built on trust and laughter. When life gets tough, I lean on perseverance and self-compassion, reminding myself that strength isn’t about never falling—it’s about always rising. Above all, I strive to be both strong and kind, remaining true to myself while showing care for others.”

4. Put It into Action

• Keep your values statement somewhere visible.
• Use it as a guide when making day to day decisions about how to act.
• Check in with yourself: Am I living in alignment with my values?

Final Thoughts: Choosing a Life of Meaning

The goal of ACT is not to eliminate discomfort but to help people live a meaningful life despite it. Overall, ACT helps people stop struggling with their thoughts and emotions so they can live a more values-driven life. Finding a compatible therapist trained in acceptance and commitment therapy can be of great benefit if you want deeper guidance or need help with co-occurring issues such as OCD, depression, or anxiety disorders.

About SpringSource Psychological Center

At SpringSource, our therapists are skilled and experienced in various evidence-based modalities, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). We recognize that the path to healing is unique for each individual, and we focus on compassionately addressing your specific needs. We are available for in-person and virtual appointments at our downtown Chicago and Northbrook, IL, offices. Contact us today at 224-202-6260 or info@springsourcecenter.com to learn more and schedule your free initial consultation. We would love to hear from you.