Overcome Body Shaming & Weight Stigma to Reclaim Your Joy This Holiday Season

Written by: Angela Derrick, Ph.D. & Susan McClanahan, Ph.D.

Date Posted: November 27, 2024 9:44 pm

Overcome Body Shaming & Weight Stigma to Reclaim Your Joy This Holiday Season

Body shaming and negative attitudes about weight (weight stigma), peppered with plenty of diet talk, are sure to make their annual appearance during the holiday season this year. With the meteoric rise in popularity of the new weight loss drugs, we predict that talks surrounding food and diet may be even more intense. Creating safety for yourself, especially if you are recovering from an eating disorder, can, and we think should, be a top priority for maintaining mental health.

If you struggle with disordered eating and are worrying (understandably so) about what might transpire, we are here to provide hope. You are not powerless, and you are not alone in this struggle. We have several tips that can help you prepare a plan of action to ensure you survive and enjoy your holiday experience. First, let’s explore how the tentacles of diet culture (and its sibling toxic wellness culture) present themselves in real life. Then, we will learn how to combat them with skills, compassion, and self-love.

Have You Lost Weight? Is Not the Compliment You Think It Is

Have you ever heard someone ask, “Have you lost weight?” followed by “You look great!” While these observations may be well-intentioned, they are ultimately harmful. It signals that someone is viewing another person as a before and after. If you’ve ever received one of these so-called compliments, it can produce conflicting feelings. You might feel relief and pride that you are in a more socially acceptable body type and, at the same time, grief that you were considered less than before. If a person is struggling with an eating disorder, giving words to what body shapes are considered “good” or “bad” can be even more detrimental. No matter how well-intentioned they may be, comments on people’s bodies are ultimately damaging.

What is Considered Body Shaming?

• Self-Criticism: Being self-critical and hating on our bodies is damaging, but it can also feel like a bonding experience, especially among women. Witnessing someone else being self-critical about their appearance can also cause us discomfort. We may feel unsafe, as though that negativity could easily turn on us. It may trigger our shame and make it easier for us to feel bad about our own bodies.
• Criticizing Another’s Appearance: This can take many forms, such as “Are you going to wear that?” said in a tone that definitely implies the answer should be no. Being critical of bodies and using labels such as “thunder thighs” or “big boned” is another tactic of body shaming.
• Talking Negatively Behind Someone’s Back: Snide observations behind people’s backs harm both the unknowing recipient and the rest of the people in earshot. It begs the question, “What are you saying about me when I’m not in the room?”

Body shaming is an equal opportunity offender affecting young people, adults, and all genders of every shape and size. Constant talk about diets, working off calories at the gym, carb content, and comments about bodies can instill shame and lead to unhealthy comparisons. You might think, “She is thinner than me, and yet she is talking negatively about her body; what must she and everyone else think of me?” These discussions are also an unwelcome reminder that our bodies are continually being noticed, assessed, and judged. We are all subject to the harmful tenets of diet culture, and learning to identify when it is happening is the first step to combatting the negative messaging.

What Are Examples of Weight Stigma?

If you live in a larger body and decide to have a piece of cake after your holiday dinner, people will often think, no wonder…, or judge you more overtly by looking askance at your choice. If you are a thin person who eats a piece of cake, it’s allowed because you are just giving yourself a treat. This scenario is an example of weight stigma. People with smaller bodies also face weight stigma through internalized fatphobia or having symptoms overlooked at doctor visits because they appear to be a “healthy” size. Because of fat bias, a person with an eating disorder might receive praise for their thinness, thus reinforcing their disease process. Other examples of weight stigma include:

• Being considered less competent because of your size
• Being treated as though you are less intelligent
• Your employer might pay you less than your thinner counterparts
• You may be stereotyped as lazy and lacking in self-control
• You could receive biased treatment from physicians
• You may be bullied or discriminated against in school and at work

Why is Body Shaming So Common?

Who benefits from the enforcement of thinness as the ideal? And even if you are thin, according to societal standards,  you also must be in proportion to be considered acceptable. Where did these ideas come from? Why are we so thoroughly entrenched in a diet culture that promotes a dehumanizing demand for perfection?

The SpringSource Book Club recently read and discussed Sabrina String’s “Fearing the Black Body–The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia.” She compiles a meticulously researched and fascinating historical context going back hundreds of years of how we have reached our current state. Strings provides compelling evidence that the obsession over weight and thinness was a means to divide or set apart those in society who considered themselves physically and intellectually superior. This advantaged segment has become an increasingly smaller and smaller sliver of society, with everyone else being categorized as inferior in some or many ways.

Societal rules around diet, weight, and shape can create a desire to reach for the thin ideal in the hopes of gaining more power and privilege, but also just trying to exist in the world without negative consequences. Pursuing thinness can keep us from being ostracized or even punished. Chasing the ideal instead of challenging it is a very human response.

Self-Compassion During The Holidays

What do the history and origins of our toxic diet culture have to do with challenges around the holidays? We can better understand that these waters run deep and have centuries of history behind them. We can show ourselves compassion for the harmful beliefs we may have held (or are currently holding). We can also take a compassionate attitude towards our friends and family, who likely may have no idea how damaging this culture is to self and others. It doesn’t mean we lay down and volunteer to be run over by diet talk. It means we have a compassionate stance towards ourselves and others as a starting point. Under these conditions, we can gently implement other measures needed to stay mentally healthy and happy at our gatherings.

Some Tips for Combating Diet Talk This Holiday Season

• Practice actively rejecting diet talk, whether it is at the dinner table or it is internalized criticism. You would be surprised how powerful it is to say to yourself, “I reject that,” “That’s not true,” or “That concept does not work for me.”
• Prioritize spending time with the people in your life who are body-positive (or even body-neutral) and refuse to comment on other’s physical appearances. If you are struggling with body image, spending time with these people can be helpful. If you are at a family gathering, try to stick closer to these types if they are there.
• Once you become aware of how you body shame yourself, you might begin to advocate and speak up to your friends and family, discussing with them why you find this mindset harmful and how you would like to steer clear of this kind of talk.
• Try to focus on the things you like about your body. This positivity can help put you in the frame of mind to take good care of yourself.
• When diet talk occurs, you can actively understand that this is not about you. If your companions count calories and discuss the need to go to the gym to work off all the “bad” food they are about to eat, remember this is where they are on their journey. You don’t owe any contribution to the conversation, including disagreeing or agreeing. There is power in regulating your own emotions around this subject and permitting yourself to opt out of participating.
• Try changing the subject. If that doesn’t work, you can always comment on how wonderful the food is and how much you enjoy together time. If someone starts with questions about calories, you can say I don’t know, but it tastes delicious, and continue on your path.
• You always have the option to excuse yourself. Please know it is okay to leave the conversation and take a moment. You may be learning to love yourself and treat yourself with compassion for the first time, and an uncomfortable conversation can elicit big feelings. It’s always okay to take time out to calm and regulate yourself.
• Have a friend who understands and make a plan ahead of time that you will reach out if needed. Leaning on a friend who gets it can help bring you to a place of calm and peace.

Food Freedom and Body Acceptance

Food freedom and body acceptance take much work and are hard to achieve because they go against societal norms. Harmful diet culture ideas are likely ingrained in our psyches from a young age. Its influence is ever present in our advertising, social media, and movies, not to mention how we experience diet culture in medical settings and, of course, how we may be socialized into this mindset from our families of origin (not their fault, it was passed down to them from their parents as well)

Practicing compassion can be a great beginning – compassion for those stuck in the diet culture mindset and may never deconstruct it, as well as self-compassion for ourselves and the work we must do to overcome harmful ideals in a society that does not understand. Practicing self-love and forgiveness at every stage of this journey can allow us to feel joy and be proud of our progress, whether large or small.

Ditching diet culture (food freedom) and accepting our bodies as they are, even if we aren’t completely satisfied with them, is the antidote to the body shaming and weight stigma we may be experiencing out in the world and even more so during the holidays. Acceptance is powerful. It doesn’t mean that change will never happen; it means that we are compassionately meeting ourselves exactly where we are, and that is more than enough for today!

About SpringSource

At SpringSource Psychological Center, we strive to provide the most effective and compassionate care for individuals struggling with eating disorders. We also provide evidence-based recovery for anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationship issues.

We believe there are many paths to healing and look forward to helping facilitate your individual recovery journey. With offices in downtown Chicago and Northbrook, we offer in-person and virtual support.

Call SpringSource today at 224-202-6260⁠ | info@springsourcecenter.com | We offer free 15-minute initial consultations—schedule here.